Body Image & a Culture Of Extremes

(7 minute read)

Beads of sweat trickled down my forehead as I fought to finish my final set of “commando planks”. I laid down defeated and embarrassed that I was shaking so badly and unable to finish. But I also realized that I did not want to. My thoughts began to race with deep seated expectations of myself to be skinny instead of healthy and fit. What if I get “man arms”? What if I finish this 12-week program and emerge with large muscly arms?

This is going to sound absolutely absurd to my readers – because it 100% is. Are you ready for it? Would you like to venture a guess as to what part of my body I have had photoshopped and retouched the MOST over the course of my modeling career? Not my face. Not my thighs. You guessed it – my arms. 

I have had innumerable agents, designers, and personal trainers comment on my “large arms” throughout my career as a model. Here’s a few of the comments that have swirled through my head for YEARS creating a ridiculous amount of insecurity in me: “your arms are too big”, “would you consider liposuction on your triceps?”, “it looks like you carry your weight in your upper body honey”, “we can just tape down your breasts and retouch your arms”, “you need to use low weights and up your cardio”, “cut out the carbs and the sugar Anna”.

I even had an entire team call my agent one time to report that I ate over 5 popsicles on set (they gave me salad with no protein for lunch and I was still hungry for the record). My agent promptly called to scold me, commented on my arms, and informed me that the team agreed I was looking “too womanly”. I am not kidding. This actually happened. By the way, looking “womanly” was a bad thing to hear as a model.

Do you know what happened next? All of my castings were cancelled the following week. Seven whole days they gave me to look less “womanly”. It’s no wonder so many models develop eating disorders. I wish this was all a joke. It is not. This was when I was with Ford Models and I was only 19. I looked “too womanly” at 19. Go figure. If any of my old agents are reading this, don’t worry – I love and appreciate most agents and agencies that have represented me throughout my career. But let’s call a spade a spade; the industry perpetuated emaciated figures as a standard of beauty and a lot of you encouraged eating disorders.

Many readers might be wondering why on earth I was ever in the modeling industry to begin with. Well I was scouted at a mall in Edmonton, Alberta when I was only 14. To be honest I had no idea what I was getting into. My parents didn’t either. I was insanely thin when they first scouted me because uhh – I was FOURTEEN! By age 15 I was walking the runways in New York, Milan, and London (you had to be 16 to “walk” in Paris). I was actually only 16 in the shot above. It was the second time I shot for Glamour magazine at pier 59 studios. That was a big deal once upon a time.

Even back then though I was still told that I was “too curvy”. If I had a nickel for every time my breasts were taped down during a photoshoot or runway show, well, I would have a lot of nickels. Flash forward to my early twenties where I worked-out and dieted excessively to maintain that teenage figure. My income depended on it. By the time I reached my mid twenties I was so use to limiting calories and running daily that I had no idea that a size 0-2 at my age was considered unhealthy (taking into consideration my height of course).

This expectation to be thin is not something I’m alone in struggling with. It turns out A LOT of women outside of the fashion and entertainment industry want to be unrealistically skinny. PBS did a study that’s about as old as I am but it’s fascinating nonetheless. Apparently in the 90s “the average American woman was 5’4″ tall and weighed 140 pounds. The average American model was 5’11” tall and weighed 117 pounds. And most fashion models were thinner than 98% of American women” (Smolak, 1996). Some even scarier stats they shared were that: “81% of 10 year old girls were afraid of being fat” (Mellin et al., 1991). And the cherry on the body-image cake was that “42% of 1st-3^rd grade girls wanted to be thinner” (Collins, 1991). It’s no wonder a lot of us millennials struggle with some serious body image issues. 

Flashing forward about 30 years to the other side of this body-image coin and things are still looking bleak. Somehow instead of developing healthy eating habits combined with daily exercise, we have gone to the other extreme. Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health shared some shocking stats concerning the acceptance of obesity. Apparently “two out of three U.S. adults are overweight or obese (69 percent) and one out of three are obese (36 percent)”¹. And “if U.S. trends continue unabated, by 2030, estimates predict that roughly half of all men and women will be obese” ².

Did anyone else get a mental picture of Disney’s WALL-E after reading that? Look I am all for celebrating body image but I just can’t advocate for unhealthy extremes. It seems the 90s celebrated emaciated figures while 2021 is celebrating obesity. There’s even a TV show called my 600 pound life! How insane is that?

So where does this leave us dear reader? Well it would be too easy to say we need to just eat healthy and exercise. We all know that. It’s common knowledge right? So why then are 69% of Americans overweight? And why do so many young women develop eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia? Personally I think it’s because we’ve let culture dictate our idea of body image instead of God and His word (aka The Bible).

Listen, this is fundamental. Between the industry I came from and the family I grew up with, it’s frankly a miracle I’m not anorexic. I met Jesus when I was 18 going on 19 and it has made ALL the difference. There’s a particular passage that really spoke to me a month ago and is part of what set me on this journey to be fit over skinny.

There I was enjoying pizza on the regular, letting myself eat whatever I felt like, and using the pandemic as an excuse to over-indulge. Well surprise surprise, my mental health started to decline as I continued to eat unhealthy and not exercise. Ugh. So unfair! Come on serotonin and dopamine! Meet me playing blocks on the floor with my kids after I’ve eaten nothing but empty carbs all day! Ahh, I digress. Where was I? Ah yes. In my Bible reading 1Corinthians 10. It’s mainly just Paul addressing the issue of idolatry as seen in the history of Israel and of course the Corinthian Church.

You want to hear something strange? It was as if the apostle Paul was speaking directly to me as I stuffed another buttery piece of toast into my mouth. I wasn’t hungry. Just bored. But I’ll admit that toast tasted a bit bitter going down as I read: “ ‘I have the right to do anything,’ you say—but not everything is beneficial. ‘I have the right to do anything’—but not everything is constructive” (NIV).

Wait wait wait – hold up! This is just a boring passage of scripture talking about idolatry. I do not struggle with idolatry when it comes to food! This is about pagan feasts and stuff. Right? I mean, I’m not like the Corinthians Paul is talking about; am I? Ahhhh but I am. Instead of looking to God, how often do I look to food for comfort? Or how often do I convince myself that a skinny body will make me happy? Even though I know firsthand it won’t. Perhaps you can relate to this. If so, then I’m glad you’re still reading.

“Not everything is beneficial” and “not everything is constructive”. This body-image movement showcasing obese women is not truly helping any of us. Neither is the endless stream of unrealistically skinny women that social media likes to bombard us with. There has to be a healthy balance for all of us with our diverse natural shapes and sizes. Some women are naturally stick-thin. Other women truly are bigger boned and huskier. Neither should experience body shaming. 

I’m a firm believer that God uses people for our good, Christians and non-christians alike (y’all can check the Bible on this one). Well later that same day one of my best friends sent me a fitness program she was doing. Literally right after I spent time praying and asking God for help with this lifelong struggle – boom! A few hours later out of the blue she sends me her program. It’s targeted towards women in the postpartum phase and the workouts are well, things like commando planks! To be fair these came at week 4. It was just regular planks in week 1. 

For the first time in my life I am working out mainly for mental health and to be strong and fit – not skinny. It’s something I want to encourage all of my readers to do. Maybe you have zero desire to do commando planks (okay but do any of us actually want to do them?). Regardless of where you are at in life, just go for walks. Go swimming when it’s not illegal to go to the pool. Just move your body at least once a day and let God’s word shape you – not culture. Don’t let vanity or gluttony dictate how you treat your body – which is a temple by the way (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). 

When I modelled full-time I oddly felt ugly and like I was never thin enough. Looking back now it’s insane to me that I thought that! The weirdest part is that I feel more confident as a woman now than I did back then. Which makes ZERO sense considering I was objectively more attractive in my 20s. I think most of us were by society’s standards. I don’t know about you, but I’ve got stretch marks and fine lines that no magazine covers are promoting. Last I checked the creams I buy are to reduce the appearance of both.

Nevertheless Ephesian’s 2:10a tells us that “we are God’s masterpiece” (NLT). Not the glorious mountains, scenic beaches, or any other aspect of creation – no, WE human-beings are God’s MASTERPIECE! Do not let culture define what makes you beautiful. Know that as a child of God, you already are.

Sources:

Collins; Mellin et.al,; Smolak. Perfect Illusions: Eating disorders and the Family, 1991;1996 https://www.pbs.org/perfectillusions/eatingdisorders/preventing_facts.html

1. Flegal KM, Carroll MD, Kit BK, Ogden CL. Prevalence of obesity and trends in the distribution of body mass index among US adults, 1999-2010. JAMA. 2012;307:491-7.  https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/obesity-prevention-source/obesity-trends/obesity-rates-worldwide/

2. Wang YC, McPherson K, Marsh T, Gortmaker SL, Brown M. Health and economic burden of the projected obesity trends in the USA and the UK. Lancet. 2011;378:815-25.
https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/obesity-prevention-source/obesity-trends/obesity-rates-worldwide/