Who We Date Matters

(8 minute read)

I imagine a lot of people who don’t typically tune into this blog will probably read this post. I am also anticipating that it will be the one I receive the most backlash on; which is why I’m reluctant to write it. Before you get too excited, I won’t be sharing any juicy details about Liam or our short-lived little romance. It’s been over 10 years since this paparazzi-shot of me was taken, so I think enough time has passed where it’s no longer weird to share this small blip from my life.

Honestly for whatever reason, this seems to be a topic that youth (particularly young women) have continued to ask me about over the years. I’ve been reluctant to talk about it because I don’t think Liam or any of the “famous” guys I’ve dated are half as interesting as my husband. Genuinely. But there was one youth who would sheepishly ask me about it every summer at camp, even though everyone knew I did not want to talk about it. Maybe she was a Hunger Games  fan. I’m not entirely sure.

What I do know is that she grew into an incredible young woman that I came to truly admire. I would be a much better mother if I had her skills with babies and toddlers. I was suppose to go for coffee with her this past fall to talk about dating, modeling, and surviving the early years of parenting. I never did. She passed away last week. Her name was Sydney Hunter and she was only 20. So in a way, this is my belated coffee date with her for everyone to read.

It was the summer of 2010. I had just turned 20 and moved to West Hollywood to model. I had also just been baptized after giving my life to Christ a year prior. Infatuated with Jesus and what He did for me on the cross, I left my high school sweetheart and vowed I would never date anyone who did not share my newfound faith. Enter tall and handsome man who did not love Jesus but who everybody was staring at – and he was staring at me.

It might come as a surprise to my readers, but I was the ugly girl in both Elementary and Junior High. I was skinny and tall and just plain awkward with braces. None of the popular guys at school ever looked my way. So in that moment, the insecure 13-year-old within me rose up and I completely forgot about my decision to only date Christian men. Liam was completely chivalrous and respected my boundaries so I have nothing scandalous to share. But I do have a point to make. 

Before I get there, I have to confess I was not entirely aware of who he was. It was Hollywood. Everybody I met was an actor and everyone acted like they were “somebody”. It was kind of irritating actually. Well it turned out Liam’s little confident swagger was for a reason; he was kind of famous. I realized that once paparazzi began chasing us down the street.

I’m sure I was suppose to find it exhilarating or something. But I found it frightfully uncomfortable and invasive. They even shouted mean things at him and at me! It was anything but glamorous. I felt so exposed and like such a hypocrite. I was set on staying single and focusing on my relationship with Christ and yet there I was, clearly dating someone who was not a Christian.

To my non-christian readers thinking: “Yeah so? Who cares!” – I cared. At the end of the day we all have to face ourselves in the mirror. I had made a commitment and I ditched that for some hot guy. I mean thankfully it wasn’t a serious relationship – the farthest from it. But the point remained, what was I doing? Even pre-christian Anna would never have dated an actor. It is literally their job to make-out and have love-scenes with other women. Nope. Hard pass. Although after meeting his brother Chris I thought maybe I could see myself dating an actor (kidding)!

Can I be completely honest with you though? I was mostly afraid that the people I admired, the ones who knew about my decision to walk with Jesus, would see it and be disappointed in me. Well not this photo but another one ended up on TMZ or some gossip site. It was one of me looking super confused and awkward (13-year-old me was mortified). I chose not to use that photo for this blog post (for obvious reasons). But the people from my small city were weirdly excited about it. My friends that knew my commitment to integrity were not.

I felt terrible. What if my old high school sweetheart saw that? I literally left him because we didn’t share the same faith or future goals and yet there I was, clearly not a woman of my word. Thankfully I had chosen to surround myself with incredible people who were not afraid of telling me hard things. Unpopular things like self denial, purity, and Biblical truths. 

So if you’re a young woman who loves Jesus but you’re dating someone who does not, you are really not going to like what I have to say. Are you ready? Okay; Inhale. Exhale. Now seriously consider this next portion of scripture that says: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14, ESV). How can you practice purity if you’re dating someone that has zero interest in that? How will you stand your ground on your convictions when the person you are dating thinks it’s not a big deal? How will you become a woman of great faith and a prayer warrior when you’re tying yourself to someone who doesn’t even believe?

I mean this might seem a bit harsh. Because frankly it is. But honestly if the churches within North America cared more about glorifying Jesus’ name than their pursuit of wealth and fame, we would have an entirely different world right now. So I’m going to be a little harsh with you dear reader, because I needed it in my early twenties and I think someone out there does too. 

I’ve seen way too many young women passionate about Jesus and making a difference in their community only to trade that all in for some hot guy. I know what it is to want to be desired and accepted. Believe me I get it. But trust me when I say it’s fleeting and shallow and nothing compared to knowing Christ and being married to someone who will push you towards that truth daily.

Do I have a perfect marriage? Yes! Haha. Kidding. No I don’t. Not at all. Not even a little bit. We both came from broken and dysfunctional homes so we’ve had a lot of challenges. Navigating marriage and parenting has felt a bit like walking uphill in a snowstorm, blindfolded, with our legs cut-off. Hashtag perfection. Hashtag easypeasy. 

All jokes aside, there is truly nobody I respect or admire more than my husband (honey I’ll walk through any snowstorm with you — legs or no legs, we’ll figure it out). A lot of girls at camp have asked me how I ended up with Parker (my husband goes by his last name – his name is not actually Parker Parker for the record). Aside from having more confidence than the Liams of the world I was used to dating, he had something distinctly unique; he was genuine and passionate about his pursuit for Christ.

If you’re not a Christian that probably just sounded suuuuppper weird to you. But when I felt like I needed to walk away from the modeling industry for a season, nobody had cared about my soul and my spirit quite like this man did.

Underneath the Brooklyn Bridge over six years ago, I had given him the green-light to kiss me. But instead he vocalized how vulnerable I clearly was (and man, was I ever) and said he did not want to take advantage of that. He truly wanted to help me move back to Alberta and get connected with a community of people who would build me up and call me higher. He was successful in that endeavour and thankfully, he eventually did kiss me. 

But that steadfastness and desire to see me victorious in Christ remains his focus. I mean yeah, obviously he doesn’t want me to turn into a troll. He is still human and puts his pants on one leg at a time like the rest of us. But me being “hot” is secondary to me being holy (to my non-christian readers confused or weirded-out by my unfamiliar jargon, “holy” essentially means to be set apart).

So when I struggle with stretchmarks and baby-weight, he reminds me where my value truly lies. When I get caught up in comparisons and the green monster of envy rears its ugly head, he challenges me and calls me out. This is the man I want next to me when I am old and grey. When all youthful beauty has faded from my face and my body is anything but rockin, I won’t be mourning my glory days – I’ll be too busy living them.

“Beauty is fleeting and charm is deceptive”; are you a woman who fears the Lord? Are you dating someone more concerned with you being hot than they are you being holy? I want you to seriously consider that one day, you won’t be so hot. It is only one life and it will soon be passed; only what’s done for Christ will last. God is faithful. When you put Him first, everything else will fall into place. Not necessarily what you wanted or imagined, but certainly what you needed.

“Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4, ESV). Is your heart’s desire to be an incredible woman of faith? Then who you date matters. Is your man chasing after Christ or is he chasing after the things of this world? You will be influenced by him. Be sure your pursuits are aligned.