A Lesson From Hair

(5 minute read)

It’s been over seven months since the world was turned upside-down by Covid-19. Lipstick trends have vanished in the face of mandatory masks and handshakes have been replaced by hand-sanitizer. Amidst all this chaos and change I’ve been thinking about what makes a person truly beautiful. Is it having flawless skin? A rockin bod? What about great hair? While these things certainly help a girl out — that is NOT what I’ve defined true beauty as. Considering it’s been a hot-minute since I’ve written anything, here’s a quick recap: this blog focuses on that which makes us truly radiant and that’s Christ in us, the hope of glory (See Colossians 1:27). In an ideal world I would put out weekly blogs and write uninterrupted until my heart’s content. But with a husband fully back at work, a toddler who stopped napping, and a very busy baby – I’m looking at writing once every month or two. So if you’re still tuning into this blog, I’m glad you’re here.

Now where was I? Ah yes, beauty. I decided to use a photo that focused on my hair for this blog post (you’ll soon understand why). Before I continue though, my readers should know that a stylist spent hours upon hours to make this hair happen. It’s laden with fake layers, hair spray, and lots of backcombing. This is not all me. Not even close. You should also know that I shot this campaign when I was eighteen. The target audience? Women in their late 20s to early 30s (me now). I was actually fourteen-years-old when I had my first photoshoot. It was for a mall and they made me look twenty. So listen here ladies over 25, you are NOT going to look like that model in the magazine because she’s probably a teenager. 

This is where I would love to tell my readers how much I’ve grown and how at peace I am with my postpartum body. Where I look back at eighteen-year-old “model-me” and conclude that I could care less if I ever looked like that again. But that would be lying. So allow me to share how horribly ridiculous I am instead. When Covid-19 shut the world down, I had a six-week-old baby girl which meant I was still in maternity clothes. I am a jaded online shopper so I kind of lived in sweats and my husband’s T-shirts for longer than I’d like to admit. After a couple of months of looking like Gimli from the Lord of the Rings, I thought getting my hair done would give me that “lift” I was looking for. You know, to look a little more glam and a lot less Gimli. 

Well my stylist was having an off-day and instead of leaving the salon feeling fabulous, I left feeling like a drowned-sewer rat (small step down from the Gimli look I had going on). The color came out way too brassy and the cut was so blunt that my husband (who never notices hair) said: “oh? That’s a weird length… I thought you were getting it colored? It just looks kind of reddish on the top now?” Annnddddd then I cried a little on the drive home. 

At my age and stage of life, I was honestly ashamed of myself for crying over something as trivial as hair. But I’m willing to bet in our beauty-obsessed culture, I’m not the only woman (or man) who’s shed a few tears over their hair. How ridiculous is that though? If you’re reading this blog and you’ve never felt insecure over bad hair, weight gain, or a less than ideal complexion – then you’re not my target audience. How could you not feel insecure though? Look at eighteen-year-old me! There I am on Pinterest in this unrealistic Ad-campaign selling you that beauty equals hair (and a glamorously thin figure courtesy of my teenage body). What a load of garbage. So what makes a person beautiful then? 

I’m going to share a story about a remarkably stunning friend of mine. This woman is neither a model nor an actress. She is not Hollywood-skinny and you won’t see her face on a cover-girl Ad anytime soon (sorry buddy). Nonetheless my mom, our friends, and random people blessed to make her acquaintance are always commenting on how incredibly lovely she is. Do you know why? There’s a portion of Scripture that reads like this: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (Philippians 2:3-4). This friend of mine models this ever so gracefully that it weirdly makes her prettier physically (she is truly stunning inside and out for the record). These two verses are so completely countercultural. I mean stop and think about it. Looking not to our own interests but to those of others? I can not think of one TV show that propagates this. But it’s precisely the kind of character quality that marks a truly beautiful person. 

You know my terrible hair cut and color I mentioned earlier? Well this friend of mine was 8-months pregnant at the time, incredibly uncomfortable, and I’m pretty sure she had a cracked pelvis! You know what she did after hearing ridiculous-me whine about my stupid hair? She fixed it for me. Eight months pregnant. On a Sunday (her day of rest). WHO DOES THIS?! She was genuinely concerned and sympathetic over me feeling insecure and ugly over my hair… This woman is so secure in Christ that she truly wants to see other women look and feel their best. GENUINELY. She literally goes out of her way to encourage and lift others up. She can see a physically gorgeous woman walk into a room and be like: “wow she’s so stunning” with virtually zero hints of envy. 

This world would be a much better place if women looked to build others up instead of tearing them down. My friend does this so naturally and it’s part of why everyone loves her. Can you imagine if we removed envy and jealously from our conversations with other women? If we were genuinely happy over another woman’s beauty, success, education, great parenting, and excellent marriage? Why aren’t these kinds of women on covers of magazines with articles about how to “look” like them? Do we seriously need 10 new ways to shape our eyebrows? I mean, to be honest, we can probably calm down with this eyebrow trend (can I get an amen? Haha). Seriously though, what we really need is 10 ways to encourage and build other women up! 

Can I tell you something? I have met some of the most aesthetically beautiful people that walk this planet. But given the choice between being a Hollywood-dud or a Christ-like-stud – I’d choose the latter every single time. Because when time passes and wrinkles and grey hair adorn both my friend’s face and the face of many current celebrities, who’s character and life will have been truly worth living? 

I don’t want to ever look back on my life thinking I was my most beautiful-self in my early twenties because of flawless skin and a model-skinny body. Where will that leave me? Where will that ultimately leave you? If you’re chasing after the kind of beauty that Hollywood sells, ask yourself what you’re really buying. Time will eventually steal earthly beauty away from you but it can never take that which is eternal. Night creams and botox can only go so far ladies. But a Christ-like character? Now THAT’S attractive. This friend I mentioned earlier makes everyone’s life a little better and a little brighter just by existing. When you stop and think about it, isn’t this the kind of woman we all want in our lives? Who wants to have an insecure friend wishing you were a bit fatter or less successful so they can feel better about themselves? That attitude sucks! But it’s propagated and normalized in our culture by the things we watch, read, and listen to. Which is precisely why we need to be aware of it and fight against it. 

Do you want to know how? It’s really quite simple but terribly difficult to do. We need to stop putting garbage into our minds. What we watch and listen to matters. You can go ahead and look up some studies on this one but I’m pretty sure this is common sense to most of us. Garbage goes in and garbage comes out. Stop watching movies and TV series that perpetuate selfish, vain, and conceited characters as heroes. Do you know what else? My dear reader: you need to unfollow some people on your social media. There are some people out there that are just not worth following. I don’t care if they have thousands or millions of followers – you don’t need to be one of them. And finally this next suggestion is for my readers of faith; You need to look a lot more to Christ and a lot less to the world to define you (I am preaching this to myself). We all know what our culture has to say about beauty. But what does the Bible have to say about it? Maybe it’s time to go back to basics and “do to others as you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12, NIV). 

So while hair and beauty trends will continue to change with the times, there is one thing that remains timeless – a woman of good character. Are you chasing after this kind of beauty?