True Glory Days

(4 minute read)

Do you ever catch yourself remembering the past with a sense of longing? Like you want to go back and relive those days? I sometimes do. Then I remind myself of “Alice”. It was actually a conversation with her that sparked the beginning of my decision to walk away from the fashion industry and pursue something else. I need to be careful that my memories don’t border on gossip and for the sake of this particular model who might come across my blog someday, I’ve decided to keep her name private. So I am going to refer to her as “Alice”. 

Let me take you back seven years, to Legal Seafoods at Boston International Airport. I was still in my early twenties at this point but Alice was in her late 20s. She always seemed so familiar to me but I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. We were both in Boston shooting for an online clothing company called Rue La La. At this point I had been a Christian for about four years and I really loved shooting for this particular company. The clothing was modest and the brands were high end (for those who don’t know Burberry, YSL, Hermes, Chloe – to name a few). Rue La La would fly us both in for the day which often meant early mornings and late nights. I had seen Alice around the studio before but we always finished shooting at different times and she typically caught earlier flights back to NYC. 

One particularly sunny Boston day however, both Alice and I finished shooting at the exact same time. So, we finally shared a cab to the airport. Alice turned to me and asked: “have you ever been to Legal Seafoods? I need a bloody Mary! And their seafood is to die for”. Even though I’m not a fan of bloody marys, the prospect of sitting down with Alice intrigued me – she was just SO familiar! Plus she had me at seafood. About 3 drinks in, Alice began reminiscing about the past and it became clear why I knew her. She had once been the “ it girl”. Many years ago she walked the major shows in New York, Milan, London, and Paris. Not only that but she had shot for Italian Vogue with Steven Meisel. For those of you who don’t know, this was a VERY big deal. Walking in the major runway shows and shooting for Italian Vogue with Meisel usually meant that you had made it. 

But here Alice was. In Boston at Legal Seafoods with me. A few more drinks in and she was really getting nostalgic about her past. Slurring over her words, it became clear she wanted to relive those days. She was not content with her life in the present. She ached for the past. As she spoke, I carefully examined every fine line and wrinkle beginning to form on her face. I thought she was so beautiful but the more she talked, the more I pitied her. I knew her glory days were behind her. She knew it too. Was this going to be me? Was I going to become a washed up model (no offence) who looked back on my “glory days” as the best years of my life? 

I decided then and there that I wouldn’t let that be me. Sitting there in my size 2 jeans at Legal Seafoods, I realized my identity was rooted in the prospect of being rich & famous – in being what the world defined as beautiful.  And I knew that even if I achieved great wealth and fame, that it would never satisfy my soul. I saw a lot of myself in Alice. I had once been the “it girl” too. I closed my eyes and envisioned a life of botox, shallow pursuits, and chronic diets. I believed then and still believe now — that God has more for my life than that.

There’s a portion of Scripture that has stuck with me since then. It’s found in Philippians 3 verse 13 & 14 and it reads like this: “one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus”. I want to always be moving forward and looking ahead – not back. I want to be focused on eternity; to one day stand before God and hear: “well done, good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21). I don’t want to look back on my life and see my greatest accomplishment as having my face on a billboard or having a spread in a fashion magazine. 

But it’s easy to forget this. It’s honestly ridiculously hard to keep this as my focus in the mundane of every day life. When I’m doing what seems to be a never ending cycle of laundry and dishes, I catch myself looking back with longing. That’s why I need to remind myself of “Alice”. Of that conversation at Legal Seafoods. Of the things God showed me and is still showing me about what truly makes a woman beautiful. 

Can I take a second to clarify something? I am not saying that wanting to look physically beautiful is wrong. I am in no way condemning fashion, make-up, or working-out at the gym. Let’s not teeter on extremes here ladies. I’m also not saying I believe modelling is wrong (if it wasn’t for a model named Susan, I might not know Christ today). So please don’t misread me. What I am saying is that when chasing after the world’s idea of beauty becomes our focus, dare I say our idol – that’s what’s wrong. For those of us who identify as Christians, our pursuit of beauty has to first and foremost be chasing after Christ-like character. 

Because one day I won’t be what our culture defines as beautiful, God-willing none of us will be. We will be old, grey, and wrinkled. Our once perky body parts will be sagging and the fresh glow of youth will dissipate like vapor. That’s why we need the refreshing truth of Gospel. We need to know that we “are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory” (2Corinthians 3:18). Can I challenge you with something? The best is yet to come. I know it might not seem like it. Believe me, I’ve changed 5 diapers today and it’s not even 10am yet. But it’s true. We don’t need to look back on our past with longing, because our glory days are ultimately ahead of us – not behind.