Extraordinary Beauty

(5 minute read)

Are you exhausted? Are you just mentally drained, even right now as you’re reading this? I know I have been far too many times to count. Motherhood in the little years can often feel like you’re treading water. Some days it feels more like you’re drowning. Is that where you find yourself? Maybe you’re not a mother at all and you just feel as though you’re trapped beneath the surface, slowly suffocating beneath the waves of life. Well I’d like to remind you, dear reader, that you won’t drown. Keep “swimming”. God has you in His hands. Maybe like Peter you need to cry out: “Lord! Save me!” (Matthew 14:30). Or maybe like me, you need to shake off some of the weights pulling you under.

What do I mean by that? Allow me to walk you through what was once a daily occurrence for me. There I was in the monotony of life; laundry, diaper changes, dishes, and dealing with toddler tantrums. I’d pick up my phone and scroll my social media almost as if it were a lifeline – Pulling me out of my reality and into something “more interesting”. Only too often I would find myself bombarded with angry and tragic posts. Rather than find myself safely on the surface, I was buried beneath a sea of concerns.

Facebook was a particular trigger for me. There was Karen from high school posting her political opinions I strongly disagreed with. David from College was sharing graphic photos from Ukraine and demanding justice (which was fair). Then there was aunt Betty sharing more fictional facts about the Covid19 pandemic. All of this was stressful and disheartening. There I’d be on my phone taking in other people’s anger and heartache. So what do you think poured out of me? If one toddler stole a toy from the other provoking a complete and total meltdown, how do you think I reacted? With gentleness and love? Or with anger? I would return to my family more drained and emotionally exhausted than ever, all because of the things I was mentally consuming.

So, I deleted facebook. I actually got rid of all social media except Instagram. It’s been wildly freeing. Now I’m not saying we shouldn’t care about politics or global issues. But I am saying we don’t need Karen’s opinions on those topics. I’m also not saying you need to delete your social media but, maybe you do? Or at the very least set limits.

We’ve traded in-person connection for online disconnection. It’s no wonder our country is so decidedly divided. Instead of hearing about Aunt Betty’s concerns over a cup of coffee with the ability to hand her kleenex as she sheds tears over her fears – I just read about it in the span of 60 seconds all while being distracted and disengaged. Instead of feeling empathy for her, I was poisoned with apathy.

What does any of this have to do with beauty? Well imagine your idea of gorgeous. Think of a woman, maybe she’s a celebrity or a model, and now imagine her in front of you. Have you got her? Good. Now picture her really angry and envision her face contorted with rage and malice. Now imagine she’s stressed-out to the point where you’re feeling it too. Your shoulders are at your ears because her stress and anxiety is palpable. There’s now big alligator tears of dark-black mascara dripping down her face as her raspy and exhausted voice blames you for her troubles. Next she begins to put down others – people you love and care about. In this moment are you thinking how truly beautiful she is? My guess is not. 

Physical beauty is NOTHING if you’re ugly on the inside. Truly. That’s why this blog focuses primarily on inner-beauty. A reminder that readers might need because it’s been half a year since I’ve posted anything. I have chased after worldly beauty only to find myself ugly, empty, and oddly insecure. The extreme diets I did while modelling have taken a toll on my body that may be irreversible. The pursuit of a perfect body left me dissatisfied even as a lingerie and swimwear model. And 7 days at the gym did not make me feel more secure in who I was at all. So jump on over to other blogs for the latest trends, diets, and fads. You likely won’t find that here. I also don’t advocate for extremes either. So please do continue going to the gym – only please check your heart. Is vanity an idol for you? It’s certainly been one for me. That altar of worship only crumbled around me and left me wasted and worn. 

When I think of truly beautiful women I actually don’t go to models I’ve worked with or celebrities I’ve seen. It’s generally average looking people that just shine the light of Christ. They’re not always long-legged, perfect skinned, and thin “goddesses”. I mean some of them are physically gorgeous – sure! But not always. They’re just kind, gentle, selfless, and incredibly thoughtful human beings. I happen to be married to one of these rare creatures and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

While our culture praises external beauty I think it’s safe to say most of us truly prize internal. It’s exhausting being around negative and toxic people – no matter how beautiful their exterior might look. Think of your own mother and father now. If you came from a healthy home where you knew you were loved and valued, then you likely do not obsess over the exterior as I have and sometimes still continue to do. But it’s hard not to in our culture isn’t it? How do we change culture? Can we? 

I believe it was Mother Teresa who said “if you want to change the world, go home and love your family”. Be the wife you’ve read about in books. Be your husband’s cheerleader and best friend no matter what dysfunction you saw modeled as a child. Be the mother you had or the mother you wish you had. Because if you won’t take care of what’s in front of you, then who will? Social media can create a level of mental exhaustion we were never meant to carry. While many of us are worrying over people millions of miles away, our own families are falling by the wayside.

My daughter requires A LOT of quality time and seems to need my attention more than my son did at this age. If I’m sitting there getting drained from “Karen’s” political views, the graphic videos David’s sharing, or aunt Betty’s latest Covid concern – who’s paying attention to Isabelle? Who will sing hymns to her and read to her if I don’t? How can I watch my son practice his slap-shot on his little toddler hockey-net if I’m distracted watching Tiktok? May we be like the psalmist who said: “I will walk with integrity of heart within my house; I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless” (Psalm 101:2-3, ESV).

If you find yourself drowning, throw off the weights dragging you down and swim to the surface – the loving hand of the Father is there waiting to pull you up. I have been there, dear reader. What does God have for you next? Chances are it’s something ordinary and perhaps even mundane. But I can promise you that nothing is ever truly ordinary when you’re walking with an extraordinary God.